no more scrubs

i'm at home with a muscle spasm in my neck, missing a concert i really wanted to go to. when i get hurt, i get lonely and sad. those are the times i miss people especially my family and wish i had someone to take care of me. thank goodness for my two good friends here who went to the hospital with me and that meant a lot.

and tonight as i'm laying in bed feeling bored and sorry for myself i get a text from a guy i met at a club last week. i thought he was funny and charming at the time. and then he goes on to text me asking me to hang out and alluding that he wants to hook up with me. first of all, i am hurt. i freakin hurt my neck and u want me to hook up with u?!!! god damn u!

is it so much to ask for someone to be caring? to show some compassion or concern?

so the question goes back to what i want? do i go with the flow, something that may seem foolish or fun and a fling?

yet i am reminded by my values and my wants and my integrity.

i want respect.

i want caring.

i want something meaningful.

so once again, my values and wants take over and i continue to be on my own. kinda frustrating but at least i'm waiting for something more.