i haven't been writing or documenting my journeys in the last two months. well that's a lie. when i was back in my childhood bed, in my childhood room, i was writing furiously in my old journal. writing how i was sick (physically) or sick (mentally) of others. i was loving seattle, hating LA, loving LA, hating friends, hating family, and loving them. hate is such a powerful word and when i use the word "hating" i mean "hating on" like "don't be a hater", meaning to stop complaining.

and at the end of it all, i realized to myself, stop the hating and embrace. embrace your life, your background, your friends and family that love u and just share the love! isn't that what the holidays are all about? isn't that what being an empowered young lady all about? use what you got and make it work is my motto.

being back from the holidays after not being home for 3 1/2 months played some great philosophical and psychological games on my brain. have i changed? have the others changed? has L.A. changed? what is with everyone being so hard to get hold of? why doesn't anyone want to party? why is everyone coupling off? what do i want to do?
these were all questions that i thought of and struggled as i'm realizing my own possionality in the world and in my own little bubble.

My Status is graduate student: i don't have to worry about waking up for my 8-5pm job, meaning that i love to go to happy hours and go out on random nights. i'm also in a constant state of having little money and worrying about the future. but heck, i'm not going to let that stop me from having fun. i also get to experience studying again, staying up late and staring at the computer for hours in avoiding assigned papers. after working full time, i have really appreciated being a student again.

My Status is single: this has been a big one for me. in seattle, i have co-workers and friends who are in serious relationships. then going back home to seeing my friends in serious relationships threw my head around. should i be thinking of settling down? should i be on the hunt for mr. right?i just had to remind myself to embrace the singleness, enjoy the going out, and worry about being with someone when i actually meet that someone.


so the moral of the story, is that i enjoyed being back home. it reminded me that i'm learning a lot about myself and growing. getting outside of my comfort zone and moving to a new place has been huge for me and i think pivitol in my development. it's stepping outside the box, where i'm challenging myself with all that i thought i knew, opening new doors and possibilities, making things exciting. although there is the reminder of all the great family and friends back home who i don't get to see on a regular basis anymore.