sitting in my warm room with the windows open almost makes me think about how i was living at home last year in a hot room. now in seattle, i'm in a much smaller place, with one roommate, i never open the windows cuz it's cold. but seattle now has SUN! it's a whole new place. and everyone is taking advantage and everyone has gotten out of their hybernation.

it's crazy to think back and think of my life back in la. today, a japanese friend from hawaii was saying i was a stereotypical japanese so-cal girl. haha. stereotype or not, i do love and am part of so cal. and i shouldn't be ashamed of that here in seattle. i do love the sun, i do love to go out to cool restaurants and after party spots. i do like seattle and my neighborhood a lot. i love living on my own again. i love being single in a city. although seattle is not really a hot sex in the city type place. then again, i do live in the gay area of town. but still, men here just seem more reserved or not as aggressive but it's not like i'm looking in the right places either.

being away from home has been good for me. it has given me time to invest in myself and future. it is hard to look out for just myself. i like to care for others and get invested in taking care of my family and friends. taking this journey to seattle feltl like a selfish one for me. but if i didn't take it now, when would i?
and the great thing is that i'm meeting a lot of people wiht the similar position as me. other transplants who are up for adventure, exploring, and living life. it is hard to say if i'll be staying here after next year when i graduate. but i can say that i do love it here and think i am at the right place in my life right now.

happy easter!

i guess it's certain days, particulary holidays, when i miss my family. this is the first easter i haven't spent with my family.
i've been all about being independent, being single, living in the city with the other 20-somethings and loners. but i am a family-oriented person.
today i went to my mom's cousins' house for easter. i really appreciate being invited and included in this family gathering, especially me being the new member to the group. i missed being in a home. i got to talk to new people, children, and dogs. these are the kinds of things i 've taken for granted back home.


it really is crazy how a little gesture like that can be so meaningful. i have to remember to reach out to others and include others on my own adventures.

watching "frida" and then listening to India Arie has made me so emotional and also admired by these two women artist.

another quarter of school! i'm tired of school. going back home for spring break was nice but then it also flips my world and reality upside down. i'm getting used to my life in seattle. liking my life in seattle. and then going back home takes me back to a time warp. it was weird at first getting used to the warm sun. it's hard to imagine, but being around the sun again took some getting used to. and seeing my good old friends and family reminds me of who i am, where i come from. i appreciate them but i am also reminded there is still much for me to do in seattle.
sometime u have to leave the nest, those you love, to better yourself.

i didn't realize i didn't tell a lot of people i was going to stay in seattle for the summer. it's one of the few things i'm sure of and want to do.

trying to live in the present and also focus on the future. we had an internship fair this week and i surprisingly enjoyed it. i usually hate those networking type events. it's draining for me. but i realized that people in my field are usually good, friendly people.
i'm not really a planner and like to take things as they come or i dwell on the past. i'm really trying to not dwell on the past. i have a tendency to focus on the past where it is hard for me to focus on my current situation. but i really want to be living in seattle, physically and mentally. i don't want to be distracted by things back home. i want to experience living here and give this place a shot.

i think i complain about seattle but isn't that normal the first six months of living in a new place? i'm learning to adapt and get used to all that i don't have or what's different. my struggle at the current moment is the lack of men in my life right now. just having male friends or somethin'

okay, i'm exhausted. tired of reflecting. tired of thinking about my life and writing papers. i need to rest. laters!

i haven't been writing or documenting my journeys in the last two months. well that's a lie. when i was back in my childhood bed, in my childhood room, i was writing furiously in my old journal. writing how i was sick (physically) or sick (mentally) of others. i was loving seattle, hating LA, loving LA, hating friends, hating family, and loving them. hate is such a powerful word and when i use the word "hating" i mean "hating on" like "don't be a hater", meaning to stop complaining.

and at the end of it all, i realized to myself, stop the hating and embrace. embrace your life, your background, your friends and family that love u and just share the love! isn't that what the holidays are all about? isn't that what being an empowered young lady all about? use what you got and make it work is my motto.

being back from the holidays after not being home for 3 1/2 months played some great philosophical and psychological games on my brain. have i changed? have the others changed? has L.A. changed? what is with everyone being so hard to get hold of? why doesn't anyone want to party? why is everyone coupling off? what do i want to do?
these were all questions that i thought of and struggled as i'm realizing my own possionality in the world and in my own little bubble.

My Status is graduate student: i don't have to worry about waking up for my 8-5pm job, meaning that i love to go to happy hours and go out on random nights. i'm also in a constant state of having little money and worrying about the future. but heck, i'm not going to let that stop me from having fun. i also get to experience studying again, staying up late and staring at the computer for hours in avoiding assigned papers. after working full time, i have really appreciated being a student again.

My Status is single: this has been a big one for me. in seattle, i have co-workers and friends who are in serious relationships. then going back home to seeing my friends in serious relationships threw my head around. should i be thinking of settling down? should i be on the hunt for mr. right?i just had to remind myself to embrace the singleness, enjoy the going out, and worry about being with someone when i actually meet that someone.


so the moral of the story, is that i enjoyed being back home. it reminded me that i'm learning a lot about myself and growing. getting outside of my comfort zone and moving to a new place has been huge for me and i think pivitol in my development. it's stepping outside the box, where i'm challenging myself with all that i thought i knew, opening new doors and possibilities, making things exciting. although there is the reminder of all the great family and friends back home who i don't get to see on a regular basis anymore.