I am what I am

i went to the long beach gay pride for a 3rd year in a row. got to induce long lines, spending $$, dancing and drinking, and under way too hot conditions. but nonetheless, another great time with one of my friends.

the spring/summer is festival time although really there are festivals and celebrations going all year round in sunny so cal. the week before that, i went to the first every Taiwan Fest in Downtown LA right next to Union STation and Olvera STreet. these two festivals was a reminder how diverse and how many different communities there are in LA. and why don't we all just share the love?

so i would recommend, get outside and check out that neighborhood festival. u might suprise yourself or learn something new.

my life feels cloudy and disorganized right now. my fortune cookie told me today, "you're judgment might be off." that's not a fortune. but it turned out right. i was working til almost 9pm today not answering my phone. i missed the phone calls of my family to tell me that my grandfather is in the hospital and is having serious problems with his kidney. and then i get some smug comment my dad saying how i don't care about this family.
hmmhmmhmm... so i have been on the edge and stress with my family. but doesn't that happen with everyone? and what is with guilt or feeling obligated?
i feel the push and pull all the time. do i try to be a good daughter/sister or just try to listen to myself and do my own thing?
does it have to be something horrible to happen to make u see the light? to appreciate?

Picture: Scoops ice cream shop near LACC (Los Angeles Community College). This is one of my favorite places/ice cream in town. the owner is a man who loves what he does, being creative and making these daily creations of goodness. bringing flavors together you would never imagine eating.
The crazy thing about when I come over here is to think about how I grew up around here.
Yes, I have lived in the nice hillside area of Monterey Park most of my life but most people do not know of my childhood spent off of Melrose Ave. in Los Angeles.
as a child of two full-time parents, i needed a babysitter to take care of my brother and I. my parents found an elder filipino couple in los angeles. I spent my days since i was a baby til i went to pre-school plus summers until i was 7 or 8 at their home off of melrose. i think that is why i have a soft spot for filipinos.
they did not have money as most of their money came from their daughter who was a nurse and from the babysitting. so we lived in a simple way. we grew plants and fruit in the yard. would walk to to the community college to find and recycle bottle and cans where my brother and i would find tennis balls at the tennis courts to play with. we would hang out with the other kids that would some time stay, or the other filipino friends and relatives that would frequent the house. it was with this older couple that i had a wonderful childhood as i felt they were my surrogate grandparents.
when i went to pre-school it was hard for me. i would cry every day for weeks because i missed them. my dad would pick me up at lunch every day to take me to see them. finally i was able to let them go and go to school full time.

when i was around junior high age, we saw them for the last time. their daughter was moving up north and wanted them to go with her. even as i saw them for the last time, she made me a huge thing of spaghetti we loved to take home. she cried as we hugged good bye and it was so sad to see her in that way. i never heard from them again.